There are times - most often when the stress of life has compounded and the comforts of the world I’ve built seem to turn into obligations instead of refuges - when I can feel a particular shift in the way that my libido drives me (and it always drives me, one way or another).

Every day I move in a world where I’m rewarded for taking the lead, for being faster or bolder or smarter than the fellow next to me, to facilitate the keeping of score by dollar amounts, etc.

Sometimes it gets to be all a bit too much - too exhausting. And my body starts to react very strongly to images such as this one - a fit, muscular man with an enormous cock, clearly ready to fuck, penetrate, take…

And I find myself wanting to give that to him- to feel that rug of surrendering to a hung man, the joy of wanting nothing more than to be taken, deeply, roughly, thoroughly…

Do I want to date a man? Not in the least. But when I’m feeling vulnerable, in some kind of way, do I fantasize - and masturbate - thinking of myself in such a different place/role? Yes.. for whatever that makes me.

It it needs figuring out, I’ll figure it out somehow…